I was so weary.
After several years of anguish and anger I had nothing left to fight with. I’m not proud of it, but I’ll admit it, I let bad things happen to good code. Code that was worthy and pure, strong with a single purpose, dependant on others, but not reliant. It stood strong…but even the most agile of practices can only stay strong in that harsh environment.
Winters full of arbitrary deadlines, rushed tests and last minute requirements took its toll, eating away from the inside, breaking its principles. The once beautiful creation, fighting the good fight, now dragged itself forward with such poor speed that you could nothing but pity it.
How many times can you fight alongside? How many times can you look your commanding officer in the eye and tell him he’s winning the battle but losing the war? How often do you get sent back out there with no reinforcements and little hope before it becomes too much – and every moment in battle is fuelled by the rage of injustice, knowing that family at home are relying on you – that you need to fight to keep them safe, but that the heart has left you. You rage against the enemy, but pushing against for the evil forces of “good enough for now”…well, you have little faith and the tests you once put yourself through are long forgotten.
Then…a new dawn breaks. On the horizon a band of soldiers with fire in their hearts, fighting the good fight on a daily basis. Behind them? A legion, strong and marching in step. Tools sharp, forged in the heat of battle, commanders wary – but trusting their men, knowing their skills have been hard won and even harder kept. And you know you have to join them.
There is pain, leaving the men behind, but you understand you’re hurting them more by staying – cynical and brash, most unaware of the situation in which they place themselves. So you walk away, and are embraced by your new comrades; you remember how it once was, and how it will be again.
You find renewed passion with each morning, techniques you believed long dead now course through your practiced hands as they handle the tools with ever increasing confidence. You learn from your men, and they from you, in constant communication through every battle to ensure victory.
Not every fight is a success, there are losses, but they are not the cold heartless corpses along the roadside you once had to endure. They are met with the combined fury of a band of brothers who believe in striving to be the best they can be. You gather, you honour their memory and vow to not let their sacrifice be in vein – working until you all know how to stop it from happening again. And the legion grows, tested every day, every slip picked up by another, none moving forward until all can move forward – their purpose clear to all who see them.
And so that battle continues, no longer weary, but eager for the fight.